I arrive in Berlin and I walk for an hour to reach the place where I’m staying. I’m couchsurfing again. After the six-ish hours on the train, the walk feels nice.

My hosts greet me, feed me and take me to salsa. I am shaken and mesmerized by everything that is new, and it’s fun. I dust off my salsa basic step and ask people to be nice to me on the dance floor. This is my second salsa social, ever. But it’s fun, I struggle with finding the rhythm and with all the arm movements but I get to play Rueda de Casino and again I am laughing at how many ways humans have to play with each other.

My best dance is with an older man who is just so playful that it doesn’t even matter that I only know the very basics. His smile is contagious and we play for several dances.

After some time I realize I need a break. I am feeling grumpy and slow, and it takes me a little while to tune into what I need: some quiet and slowness. Some time alone. I take the stairs to the cold top floor (seven or eight, something like that) and sit down for a moment. I breathe. That’s right. I’ve been on the go since early this morning. I’ve passed hundreds of kilometers and I walked for an hour. I met new people in a new cultural context in a new lingual space. I’ve received so much information and I’ve been practicing new moves to new rhythms for two hours. In a loud environment.

Of course I am overwhelmed.

And I am cold.

And I want to go home and I want to sleep.

I feel really vulnerable realizing that I’m not having fun anymore. How do I tell my hosts? Will they think I am boring? Will it be a hassle for them if we split up and I go back? Or will they feel obliged to go with me? Will I be ruining their evening? I hug my knees as I sit on the cold stairs and let the doubt wash over me. Should I just hang in there, until they suggest we leave? But I’m too tired to dance, and to cold to be still. I have to tell them.

I go back down the stairs. Oh, it’s loud. Way too loud for me in this state. I find my hosts and after some minutes I tell them what’s up. They are feeling done too, and I am relieved. We wait for another friend and then we head back.

That night I sleep heavily, gratefully. Warm.

…

(This story told in pictures.)